![]() I provide links to college scholarships, ideas about careers they never knew existed, and advice about finances and apartment hunting. Via text and in person, I listen to individuals’ stories, anguish, dreams and plans. No one in my experience advises a 19-year-old to become a “sex bomb” or move out of her parents’ home with no support system in place. Many ex-Orthodox people, myself included, get messages from Orthodox individuals reaching out for help in navigating their break from religion or community. The episode plays into the stereotype that the ex-Orthodox are waiting to get their hands on vulnerable Orthodox people and ensnare them in a life of sex and depravity. Rather than advising Sara on jobs or referring her to organizations like Footsteps designed to acclimate the formerly Orthodox to the secular world, Haart gives her a makeover - and a vibrator. The sequence encapsulates how the show feeds negative Orthodox perceptions of ex-Orthodox people. ![]() In one episode of “My Unorthodox Life,” an Orthodox girl named Sara reaches out to Haart for help and advice on leaving the community. Most ex-Orthodox people struggle to find their feet in an unfamiliar world and might fail if not for a network of support, both financial and emotional. The years after I moved out of my parents’ house were fraught with emotional pain as I attempted to navigate a world completely unfamiliar to me while maintaining a relationship with my family - a far cry from Haart’s catapult to wealth and success. I left at age 25 after I had completed college and begun graduate school. I grew up in Borough Park, Brooklyn, in a community stricter than the non-Hasidic community Haart left, but not as strict as the Hasidic Williamsburg community in two other Netflix offerings, “Unorthodox” and “One of Us.” I was an oddity because I was pursuing a doctorate in English, unlike most of my peers who taught in Jewish girls’ schools or got degrees from Touro College – with separate hours for men and women – in preparation for jobs that would allow them to raise a family. It is a carefully curated and staged reality show that sets back efforts to gain Orthodox understanding of ex-Orthodox experiences. Telling authentic ex-Orthodox stories is part of that effort, but Haart’s story is not authentic. This is untrue for most ex-Orthodox people, who simply want a chance to tell their truths. Those who leave the Orthodox community are often subject to accusations - often from gatekeepers of the life they left behind - that they lie or exaggerate about their upbringing in order to garner the sympathies of secular audiences. For half a decade now, I’ve been involved in efforts to counter negative stereotypes about ex-Orthodox people and promote openness, understanding and acceptance between those who leave and their families and communities.
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